We have 4 grown kids and 2 currently live out of state, a son who just moved from California to Nashville and a daughter who is in the military and stationed in Spokane, Washington. And right now at this moment our daughter and family live about 30 miles North and our son and his family have been living downstairs for about the past 2 years. I only mention the locations of all the kids because it is about to change once again.
Our downstairs basement, which is a walkout style, has never been truly vacated for more than about a year. Our kids all left home shortly after high school and college and started their own careers and families. It was bittersweet to see them make their way in the adult world and be successful, while at the same time a little sad to see some of them living so far away from us.
About 13 years ago our oldest daughter and husband with their 5 kids, (3 that were recently adopted at the time), asked if they could move in downstairs.They were hoping for a little time to regroup and eventually buy a house and move to Duluth about 90 miles from here. Of course we agreed and plans were made to finish off the downstairs into a separate dwelling for them. It pays to have a son-in-law who is a cabinet maker by trade, as not only was the downstairs finished off, but I got a whole new kitchen makeover upstairs. He came to me one day and said, “You don’t want the downstairs kitchen to look better than the upstairs kitchen do you?”. I kind of looked at him and said I guess I didn’t, not knowing where the conversation was going. He had decided to take all the upstairs kitchen cabinets and put them downstairs in their kitchen. So my upstairs kitchen was gutted and new cabinets were made, along with a wall being torn down to open up the kitchen to the living room,and I had the most beautiful and functional kitchen I have ever known. And they had a 4 bedroom place with a kitchen, bathroom and laundry. They soon sold their place and moved in downstairs.
They stayed about 2 years and then they started looking for a place of their own. They now had 6 kids as our daughter had gotten pregnant for the first time and had our grandson while here. It was at times structured chaos and the noise was always a welcome to what would otherwise be a pretty quiet house if they weren’t here.
The day they moved out, my son and his family asked if the downstairs was open for them to come live for a bit while they regrouped and found a place to buy. Of course I was excited to fill the downstairs with noise and have the grandkids close to see daily. So they moved in the weekend after our daughter and family had moved out. There really wasn't a chance to miss the structured chaos, it was alive and well once again.
My son and family stayed just about 2 years also and then packed up the now 6 kids and moved to North Carolina where he took a job. They bought a place and we got to visit a few times. And we were living the life of empty-nesters for about a year. It was different compared to what we were used to over the past 4-5 years. There was no one here but the two of us. The downstairs was completely vacant and empty. I made a point of not going downstairs for anything because I would get sad longing for the noise and family.
About a year into our empty nest, My daughter told me they were talking about moving back downstairs to save up and regroup once again. They were going to buy land closer to us and build. She asked if they could come live here again. Of course we agreed they should come live here for a while. Visions of noisy kids swinging in the backyard, dishes clanking downstairs in the kitchen...it was all coming back and I was excited. So one Friday night they pulled into the driveway with all their belongings packed up and ready to unload downstairs.
I often believe them moving home the second time was more Divine Intervention than them wanting to leave Duluth. They had 7 kids now and my daughter was a few months pregnant. A few months after moving in she started going into pre-term labor with the baby. She wound up being hospitalized for several weeks to prevent her from going into labor early. Between my son-in-law and me we managed to keep the 7 kids and house functioning relatively well. We both had to work at the time so we adjusted our work schedules to make sure one of us was here at all times with the kids. Our grandson was born about 3 ½ months early and it was 5 months before our daughter and grandson would be home from the NICU. And within a few months of that, they were moving out to their new home, that my son-in-law had built, just 30 miles North of us. Them moving back home at that time was truly a God thing in my mind.
Shortly after our daughter and family moved out, our son in North Carolina called and said he accepted a job in Minnesota. He was asking if they could stay in the downstairs since it was now empty. Of course, once again, we agreed to let them move back. A few months of silence was about driving me crazy, the more the merrier was my thought. So soon they were pulling into the driveway late one Friday night with their moving truck and all their belongings. The plan was once again to stay maybe 2 years to regroup and save up for a house.
The past 2 years have been fun having them downstairs of us. There is always noise of kids chatting, playing soccer outside and dishes clanking in the kitchen. I have grown accustomed to it over the past 13 years. And having daily, and sometimes hourly, visits from grandkids is what this grandma’s life is all about. There is joy in all that noise and commotion. And both me and my Best Half wouldn’t change a thing if it was just our decision. If it was our choice we would build a big compound here on the farm and have all the kids and grandkids living here. But that is what headline news stories are made of… so maybe it isn’t the best idea.
The other day, our son came upstairs to visit. He was letting us know that he accepted a job offer in El Paso, Texas. They will be leaving here for Texas in mid-September. While we knew they were here for a short bit, we were hoping moving meant more like just moving a few miles away, not 1424 miles to be exact. So now once again we will have 3 of our 4 kids and families 1000 miles or more away. I’m not sure why, but when he told me they were moving, it made me feel...old. Life keeps moving on and changing, nothing ever stays the same. And change seems to come a little harder as I get older.
While I am sad they are moving so far away, it is just another lesson in learning to let go of all the things I have no control over. Once again, we will have to learn to get used to the silence from the downstairs and backyard, no more spontaneous visits from the grandkids coming up to visit or play music together. Now we will once again have to shut the windows if it looks like rain when we leave and lock the doors. No longer can we text someone at home to do it for us.
To be honest, I am not looking forward to the once again empty downstairs, but it is what lies ahead for us. I keep telling myself I just need to endure a few months of being alone here during the day. In a few months, my Best Half will be retiring. Then we can fill the house with us shouting back and forth to each other because he doesn’t have his hearing aides in. And I may get to a point of enjoying a few hours here and there of silence as much as he will too. Fortunately, my oldest daughter and family are close by and we can find time together as we always do. That hasn’t changed.
Who knows how it will all pan out with having kids all over the country. Retirement will hopefully mean traveling the country and stopping to see them along the way. As for the empty basement...well just like Motel 6…”we’ll leave the light on”. You just never know who will pull up in the driveway with all their belongings and need a place to stay.
No comments:
Post a Comment